“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”
Philippians
4:4
This week
we have rejoiced in the Lord, and the good sweet gift of our daughter Adelle.
When we
found out we were expecting in March, we were incredibly thankful. A positive
pregnancy test was an answer to a year and a half of prayer. Our excitement was
real, as was our fear. We knew that a positive pregnancy test did not necessarily
equal a promise of a healthy baby, and yet our desire was to celebrate every
day of life the Lord granted us.
As the
weeks passed, we began to make plans. We struggled day by day to trust in God’s
sovereignty, and were constantly reminded that “having faith” meant trusting
the Lord to be good no matter what happened, not a blind assurance that He
would do what we wanted.
In June,
I traveled back to Texas in order to have access to the best medical care and
resources possible. Our son Ezekiel was born prematurely at 30 weeks (7
months), and we wanted to do whatever we could to be prepared for a similar
situation. Franco stayed in Bolivia until August to continue with ministry
responsibilities and because of his visa situation.
The two
months we were apart were hard and emotional, but we were overwhelmed with
gratitude for the generosity of those that gave of their time, finances,
prayers and generosity to make it possible.
When
Franco arrived in August we breathed a collective sigh of relief. However, we
were also nearing the 30 week mark of pregnancy, and I expected to go into
labor any day. Although the doctors said Adelle was healthy and growing, I had
my hospital bag packed, and by the door. As the days passed, the idea that we
might really have a baby became more and more real. Each week I watched my
videos about baby’s development, and read about the risks of premature babies
and the odds of survival. I alternated between planning for coming home from
the hospital, and thinking about what songs I would sing at a funeral. I
praised God for the kicks inside of me, but hesitated to take the tags off of
anything, because I still wasn’t sure I would be able to use it.
In
September, my sister moved to Northern Ireland to study, and my parents went
with her. While they were traveling, we went for a check-up, and the
sonogram technician suddenly got quiet. She was concerned about signs of early labor,
and my doctor agreed. Before going home, I was given my first round of steroid
shots to help mature Adelle’s lungs in case she was born early. I was also put
on bed rest, and I was sure she would be born any day. Since Franco doesn’t
drive in the USA, my mom sent out a request to her friends, and we were
immediately taken care of. Dear friends and family were so gracious in serving
us, visiting us, bringing groceries, delivering meals, taking us to doctor’s
appointments, picking up prescriptions, etc… We were reminded that even in
difficult circumstances, God shows His love for us through His people, and we
could trust Him in whatever was to come.
As time passed,
we were amazed that Adelle continued to grow. A sweet friend was teaching me to
knit, and I spent my days knitting this blanket, and reflecting on the fact
that as I knit this blanket, God was knitting Adelle together in the womb. As I
made mistake after mistake, I marveled at the fact that God does not.
On Wednesday,
October 16th, two years and three months after Ezekiel was born,
Franco and I woke up about 4:30 am, anxious to get to the hospital for our
scheduled C-section at noon. I took my time getting ready, because I wanted to
make sure that I had pictures with Adelle when she was born. With Ezekiel
everything happened so fast and unexpectedly that we were only able to take a
few pictures of him in the incubator before he went to be with the Lord.
Leaving for the hospital!
The drive
to the hospital seemed surreal. I couldn’t believe we had made it to term at 37
weeks of pregnancy. It was a miracle! When we got to the hospital, we walked up
to the admissions desk, and I informed them I was there for my c-section. As if
it was as normal as checking in to any other appointment I had ever had. The
sweet volunteer asked if it was our first baby, and I told her it was, because
that seemed easier. She grinned when I told her it was a girl, and she informed
me I should start saving for the wedding! Ha! We are still saving for the
birth!
After a
few minutes, we were called back to prepare for surgery, and we spent the next
two hours being poked and prodded and monitored.
Finally,
at noon, they took me to the operating room, and Franco changed into his
scrubs. I had read online that Oct. 16th was World Anesthesia Day,
so I congratulated my anesthesiologist as he administered the anesthesia. He
didn’t know about it, but I assured him Wikepedia said it was.
As they
began the surgery, I waited for Franco to come in and listened to Gwen Stefani’s
“Hollaback Girl” on the radio in the background. Hopefully that isn’t a sign of
things to come, but it made me laugh.
A few
minutes after Franco arrived, the doctors lowered the curtain, and we heard the
first sweet cries of our daughter. We cried tears of joy and relief as she
continued to cry. Franco went to be with her, and I waited impatiently for them
to bring her back to me. As I held her, I praised God for bringing her safely
into the world.
Now we
are home, and we continue to praise God for every moment He gives us with her. Even
the 2:00 am diaper changes and feedings feel extra sweet, because we know what
it is to wake up at 2:00 am and NOT have a diaper to change.
We love
to watch her facial expressions, and imagine what her life will look like and
who she will be. But sometimes, I look at her face, and I see her brother. In
those moments the grief is fresh, and I am amazed at how similar they look. I
watch her face move, and remember the moments that I stared at her brother’s
still face thinking of Lazarus rising from the grave.
And in
those moments, I am reminded of the verse:
“Rejoice in
the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”
Philippians
4:4
In the
days after Ezekiel was born, I wrote in the margin in my Bible beside this
verse, “Not when you want to rejoice – rejoice always!” It has often been a
struggle since then, but I have learned that I am rejoicing in the Lord, and
His finished and saving work on the cross. I am rejoicing in my good, loving
Father, who allowed His son to take my sin and shame upon Himself. I am
rejoicing in a God that was not only with me in my suffering, but a God that
shared in my suffering Himself.
Even now,
as I am grateful for, and rejoice in the good and undeserved gift of a healthy baby
girl, I am ultimately called to rejoice in the Lord and who He is, not only in
what He chooses to give.
We are
IMMENSELY grateful for SO many of your prayers, your generosity, and sacrifices
you have made. We pray that today as you read this, whether you are rejoicing
in the Lord and His good gifts, or rejoicing in the Lord and His hard gifts,
you feel the joy and peace that surpass understanding.
